I've Been Here Before...

It's been a long time since my last blog post.  During that time, I've had plenty of ups and downs in my life... literally.  My weight being one of them.  At the beginning of 2012, I lost 30 pounds in 3 months.  Later that year, I gained it back.  I tried again to lose weight toward the end of the year, but that didn't last long.  And now... I'm at it again.  

Today I celebrated losing 25 pounds since I started my (umpteenth) weight loss journey 11 weeks ago. Yay! Hooray!  Woohoo!  But, I can't help but reminding myself that... I've been here before...

Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited about losing 25 pounds.  I'm just trying to keep my eyes on the prize this time.  In the past, after hitting a minor milestone like this, I've tended to forget about all the good habits I've developed and started to head back down the road to bad-habit-ville.  I tell myself that it's ok to "cheat" every now and then but I end up doing more "cheating" than healthy eating.  

So this time around, I've made small changes to my eating and drinking habits with the hope that these habits will stick around past the "first 25" phase.  

Some of the things I've been doing are:

• drinking more water.  Water helps curb my appetite... who knew!  lol.  But I get soooo bored drinking water.  To help me drinking more water throughout the day, I pep up my water with these little flavored packets.  I know that these aren't the greatest for you, but at least it's not soda, and at least I'm drinking more water!

• drinking diet soda instead of regular.  Now, I know that diet soda is just as bad as regular soda.  However, I have found that when I'm having a major soda craving if I drink a diet soda it takes away the craving.  Diet soda is gross! lol.  So I drink way less of the diet soda than I would have if I had a regular soda.  But don't worry... I only have it maybe once a week.
• using Slim Fast shakes.  I drank these more often at the beginning of my weight loss journey and haven't needed to use them as much recently.  One of my big downfalls was fast food.  I stopped at a fast food restaurant almost every day on my way to work.  The Slim Fast filled me up and took my mind off of all the fast food joints that lined the roads on my way to work.  
• getting help.  I'm not going to lie, I need help to stay on track.  So I went to my doctor and talked to him about different ways to help me lose weight and hopefully keep it off.  He gave me some medications that help curb my appetite so I don't feel as hungry.  This has helped immensely!  The meds helped me feel fuller faster, which in turn helped shrink my stomach naturally.  So when I do eat, I end up getting full quickly and eat a lot less. And I focus on eating better foods, like fruits and veggies (even juicing from time to time!), instead of junk and fast food. Medications aren't for everyone, and I wish I was able to lose weight without taking them, but for now it's giving me a great head start.

Hopefully this time around will be different.  Hopefully this time around I'll be able to get past the 25-30 pound excitement, not let myself get caught up in celebrating with food, and keep right on going.  Hopefully this time around I will be able to dig down deep inside and find that will-power that I know is in me somewhere.  Here's to losing another 25 pounds by Christmas!!

Staying the Course

I haven't had much time to blog lately, so I'm trying to catch up today. The "Make Better Choices" motto has been going well. Surprisingly, the hardest meal of the day has been dinner. Before I started this plan I was buying fast food for breakfast every single day of the week on my way to work, and on the weekends I was getting fast food for lunch or dinner. I haven't stopped for breakfast at all since I started eating better! This is a big deal for me!! I've been taking my oatmeal, fruit and yogurt to work with me and it's been great!

Lunch is pretty easy too and I've been taking lots of healthy snacks with me to help get me through the day without being hungry. My breakfast, lunch and snacks using take up 1,000 of my self-allowed 2,000 calories a day.

Dinner is the one meal that I thought would be the easiest since my parents using cook for me (yes, it's awesome! lol). But with my grandfather having surgery and my mom being out of town for a few days, my mom not feeling well due to her back issues, and my dad not feeling well due to his back issues... they haven't been doing much cooking. So I've had to fend for myself. It wouldn't be so bad if I had planned ahead like I do for breakfast and lunch, but I usually don't know what's for dinner until I get home.

I'll admit... I did succumb to the fast food... three times in the last three weeks. That's really good for me though! And I tried to get a healthier choice rather than the super bad stuff that I would usually eat. Even though I've cheated a few times, I still really good about my lifestyle change and how I'm doing. I haven't weighted myself, mostly because I don't have a scale, but I feel like I've lost at least a little bit. And I'm proud that even though I've had some bad days, I still made better choices than before and got right back on my program the next day. Before I would have a bad day and just give up all together.

Another thing I've realized is how much my emotions play into my eating habits. I knew I've always been an emotional eater, but I guess I never really noticed how much. I've been in a major funk this week... down in the dumps about a couple of things. All I wanted to do when I got home from work was eat... snack food really. I gave into that a couple of times, but again, I ate better snacks than I would have before. Light string cheese, reduced fat wheat thins, fruit, etc. I'm still feeling "funky" (lol - at least I can laugh at myself) but I'm trying not to eat my way to happiness cause it hasn't worked for me so far.

So... to sum it up... I'm sticking to the plan. I've had some good days and some bad days, but over all I'm proud of myself.

Till next time.... =)

A Good Start

Day 1 went pretty well. But after hearing from some people, I realized that I may not be eating enough. This is a new problem for me. Not eating enough?!?! A friend of mine suggested I check my basal metabolic rate, which tells you how many calories your body needs to function normally at a resting rate. My BMR is 2,441 calories. I just feel like I shouldn't be eating 2,400 calories though! I know I'm still cutting calories because I'm no longer eating fast food, but 2,400 still seems high. So I'm going to go far 2,000 calories right now and work to cut that down as my body adjusts. Funny thing is, by eating healthy I think it's actually going to be hard to eat 2,000 calories a day. Crazy, I know!

I'm also having a hard time drinking enough water. I bring bottles with me to work, but water alone is so boring to me. I bought those little Crystal Light packets to flavor the water but I don't want to use those all day long since I'm sure they are not the best for you. I'm just going to have to suck it down... no matter what!

Another friend of mine mentioned that she had similar "I don't love myself" issues and actually went to a counselor to work out some of her problems. This is something I've been thinking about doing. I don't think I'm depressed in the sense that I need to be on medication, but I do think it might benefit from having someone to talk to. I know, I know... I have tons of friends and all of you will tell me that I can talk to you, but it's different talking to a complete stranger than to a friend. I'm going to look into what my insurance will cover as far as counseling/therapist go. I really think that being able to talk to someone about my self-esteem issues (among other things!) will be good for me!

Food Blog

Breakfast -- Two friends yesterday suggested that I eat oatmeal from breakfast. Luckily, I found some Whole Grain Oatmeal in my parent's pantry, so I tried that. It was actually pretty good! And it helped me feel more satisfied for longer. I also ate a Lite Yogurt and half a banana. I stopped at 7-11 this morning for some coffee. Now that I'm not drinking soda I feel like I need something in the morning. After getting to work and looking up the calorie and fat content in coffee with half and half, I won't be doing that anymore! I large coffee with two tablespoons of half and half was 123 calories (which isn't too terrible) and 10.5 grams of fat (which I think is crazy!) (Total - 375 cal/ 13 g fat)

Lunch -- I wasn't starving by lunch time, which is good. I again brought a homemade sandwich, but this time I cut out the cheese (as opposed to cutting the cheese... lol). I didn't really notice the difference (and I'm a cheese-aholic!). I again used 12 grain bread, romaine lettuce, tomato, light mayo (very little though), and lean deli turkey. I also had a little pickle pak (a couple of mini pickles - Dylan loves them) that were 0 calories and 0 fat, and 1/2 a sliced cucumber. I was full! (Total: 383 calories/9 g fat)

Snack #1 -- I was told that constant eating is better... kind of like grazing. lol. And since my lunch is so early (11am), I get pretty hungry in the afternoon. My first afternoon snack was a light cheese stick. (50 cal/3 g fat)

Snack #2 -- 2 cups of red grapes (208 cal/.6 g fat) I thought grapes had less calories than that!

Snack #3 -- 4 celery stalks (2 cal/0 g fat)

Dinner -- I made tacos tonight. Probably not the healthiest thing. And after the fact I thought I could have probably used groud turkey instead of ground beef. Oh well, next time. I had 2 tacos and some refried beans. I also realized that I should have used reduced fat sour cream and reduced fat cheese. Those two things alone (and I didn't really have much of them) blew my fat content for the day out of the water. (Total: 948 cal/50.4 fat) (Ouch)

But after counting calories and fat for two days, I just thought.... I should probably look up how much fat the average person should have per day. For a daily calorie intake of 2,000 calories, I should be eating 65 grams or less of fat. Good to know.

Totals for the day: 1,966 calories (yay! I stayed under 2,000!) and 86 grams of fat (boo! I went over by 21...) Oh well... tomorrow is a new day.

Oh... and I didn't get to walk today either. But seriously, I did not stop moving since I got home from work... where I was moving all day too. I just sat down for the first time today. It's going to be hard to get that walk in after work since it gets darker earlier now. It might not happen at all this week since my mom is out of town and I need to cook dinner for Dylan and me. (I know, I'm totally spoiled now that I'm living at home and both of my parents cook us dinner... lol) But I'll try again tomorrow! Off to go down another bottle of water before bedtime… wish me luck!

Here I Go Again...

I've been in a funk. No matter how hard I try to ignore it and move out of it.... it always rears its ugly head. I thought I was doing well, moving on, rebuilding my life as a single mom, but it's been harder than I let myself admit... harder than I even admit to myself. I've realized that I need someone to "complete" me. I'm not good enough for myself. I'm not good enough on my own. I'm not enough to make myself happy. At least that's how I feel. I've always felt this need to be with someone who will love me, show me love, smile at me, hold my hand... just give me attention. I feel like since I don't love myself I should find someone that does love me.

After much soul searching this weekend, and maybe a bottle or two of wine.... I asked myself, "Self, how can you expect to find someone who loves you for who you are if you don't even love yourself?" (Deep conversations I'm having with myself, and my wine... I know.)

I feel like I don't love myself because of my weight. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I can't stand to look at pictures of myself. I can't stand going shopping for clothes. It's all so depressing! I feel like if I ignore the problem, maybe it'll go away or I'll just forget about it and learn how to deal or accept it. Obviously that is not working because after 30 years of life.... I am not happy. Sure, I'm happy about certain things. I'm happy I have a career (although I'm not as happy about my location as I once was), I'm happy I have Dylan (he's my ray of light), I'm happy I have my family around me (although the loss of my brother and grandfather are still hard to deal with), and I'm happy that I have amazing friends who love and support me no matter what. All in all, I shouldn't be bitching. But I am. I'm missing something. And without getting my feelings about myself in order, I can't fix that feeling.

So once again I'm on a quest to lose weight. I'm not trying any crazy diet or workout plan. Obviously I have a hard time sticking to those. I'm just trying to make better choices. That's my motto - Make Better Choices! At the beginning of the year I quit fast food completely for three weeks when I was doing the hcg diet. I quickly abandoned that and have gone back to eating McDonald's and Jack in the Box every day on the way to work. I'm stopping that! I've been drinking more and more soda again, and less and less water. I'm stopping that! I've decided to watch what I eat, eat healthier, and Make Better Choices!

I'm paying attention mostly to calories and fat. I started today! I prepped my breakfast and lunch last night so I'd have everything ready to go in the morning. That's my weakness... I know that if I leave everything for the morning, I'll inevitable run late and take the easy way out by stopping at getting breakfast at a fast food place. So I'm going to have to think ahead the night before and make sure I have everything ready. I counted all the calories and fat, wrote everything down, and plan on sharing that with all who choose to read my blog daily. =) It's like a food log! A food Blog, if you will. lol. My goal is to just eat healthy. Maybe if I don't deprive myself of all my favorites (expect fast food! NO FAST FOOD!) I'll actually succeed!

I'm also going to ease into working out. I'm going to start walking around my neighborhood every night. This will be a good start because I can't complain that I don't have a gym near by or that I don't have anyone to watch Dylan while I go. He can come with me and either walk or ride his bike! I don't live near my friends anymore, but I do have a friend at work who is also trying to lose weight. So we're going to walk each night and honestly report back to each other the next day. This will help keep me accountable. I'm going to start walking tomorrow!

I'm hoping that by making better choices with my food I'll start to make better choices in my life. I'm an emotional eater, I've know that since I was a kid. So this is going to force me to either find another outlet to hide my emotions (lol - kickboxing anyone?) or actually confront my emotions. I know it will be hard, but life is hard. And this is necessary! I can't go on feeling like crap about myself all the time! If I'm not happy with myself and my body, I can't expect anyone else to be!

So here's to MAKING BETTER CHOICES!!!

Day 1 food blog

Breakfast -- 1 Lite Yogurt and 1 1/2 cups green grapes (80 cal/0 g fat)

Lunch -- Very hungry by lunch. I may need to add something more to breakfast tomorrow, or have a snack in between. For lunch I had a homemade sandwich (12 grain bread, lite mayo, reduced fat cheese, turkey, romaine lettuce and tomato), 1/2 a sliced cucumber, and a small apple (462 cal/12.5 g fat)

Snack #1 -- Started to get hungry during 6th period. Ran to the vending machine at work cause I knew I wouldn't make it home and I'd be tempted to stop at a fast food place. Bought a bag of PopChips and ate them. I was very proud that I didn't buy the Fritos, Cheetos or Doritos! (Why do all the chips end in O??) (100 cal/3.5 g fat)

Snack #2 -- I was hungry again when I got home so I ate a reduced fat cheese stick and some red grapes. ( 55 cal/2.5 g fat)

Dinner -- It's different this week because my mom is out of town and my dad isn't cooking. I've gotten used to my parent's cooking for me! LOL! So I defrosted some meatloaf that was leftover and I made a steamed bag of broccoli with no sauce. I'm not sure how many calories the meatloaf had in it, but I ate just one reasonably sized piece and lots of broccoli!

Overall, I didn't do that bad for day one. Now I know that I need to plan more snacks for throughout the day. I can do that... =)

-elysia

Failure Is A Funny Word

It's been a loooonnnngggg time since my last blog. I would love to be able to update the world with the great news of all my amazing weight loss, but alas that has not happened. My latest weight loss attempt has failed, yet again, just like every other weight loss attempt before it. Well, let me rephrase... I have failed again.

Before I was even done paying for the Power 90 DVD set I had stopped working out. It started with an "I'm busy today," and an "I'm too tired," and ended with an "I might as well give up again cause it's been a week." Disappointing, I know. I feel like such a loser. Why can't I do this?!

So here I am, once again, back at the beginning. At the beginning of my Power 90 quest, I thought it would be easier to do since I was on summer break. I was wrong. I had no structure, no routine. On the days that my son was his father I would sleep in late, stay up till 2 am (watching Criminal Minds and Storage Wars... but that's for another blog), and I found myself snacking at midnight. Awful! Now that I'm going back to work (yuck) maybe it'll be easier.

So... even though I have once again failed I'm taking this failure as the beginning of my next trail. One door has closed but another one has opened. Yes, I failed. But with this failure comes a renewed sense of motivation.

This time... I'm trying Weight Watchers.

I feel like I'm jumping from one gimmicky weight loss program to another. But I don't know what else to do! Maybe if I focus on my eating first, then incorporate the exercise.... I don't know. I really don't know what else to do!

So, Weight Watchers it is! I've done it in the past and lost 20 pounds in 2 months, then I gave up. Hopefully this time I'll lose the weight and not give up! I'm doing it online this time though so I don't have the excuse of not being able to make the meetings. I'm starting to think about what kinds of foods I will need for breakfast, lunch and snacks. Breakfast is my downfall! I love stopping through the drive-thru for my quick breakfast sandwich and large coke! So I'll need to find something quick and easy that I can make for breakfast. And after today, lunch will be pretty easy. Three words... Fresh and Easy!


I really just went to Fresh and Easy today to get my favorite hummus (lemon cilantro, YUM!) and ended up getting some new things to try out. The salads I bought will be perfect for lunch! They are low in calories and fat! And veggies are good for you! I've heard a lot about Greek yogurt so I figured I'd try it out. This particular one comes with granola to put in it. The Greek Yogurt is higher in calories that a regular low-fat or non-fat yogurt, but it has a lot more protein. And then for my snack food cravings, I picked up some Popchips (sooo good!) and some Baked Cheese Curls. Fresh and Easy has so many different prepackaged foods that should make it easy for me to stay on track for lunch. And they claim to have no preservatives! Dinner shouldn't be too difficult because my parents are going to be doing WW with me! (See below for an update on that.) Plus, WW online has a lot of recipes online that we can try.

So, here I go again... on my mission to Cut Elysia In Half! Wish me luck, once again! lol.


PS -- On a personal note, to update you all on my life... I'm currently living with my parents and plan on staying here until I'm ready to buy a house of my own. It should take about a year but it really is for the best (even though living with your parents at 30 years old is not the most desirable situation). My relationship with my husband has ended and I am moving on and up. We are still friends and co-parenting Dylan to the best of our ability. Dylan is adjusting to his new living situation and knows that there's a Mommy's house and a Daddy's house. He'll be starting pre-school on Monday and turns 3 years old on August 21st! I can't believe it! Things really are starting to look up for me, and I'm sticking to my new motto - Be assertive and speak your mind! =)

Temptation

Today was a day of temptation. It was a challenge to set my mind to workout mode and actually get it done.

It started out by playing outside with my son in his little kiddie pool, napping on the couch with him, then more pool time outside. My mom came home from the store with Chocolate Creme Twinkies. I swear the devil himself created those. I didn't eat one, but I wanted to. Needless to say, I didn't get my workout in early in the day like I had wanted.

Then it was time to drop my son off with his dad. Still the worst feeling ever. I stopped for a Coke Slurpee on the way home so I wouldn't be tempted to stop for a cheeseburger and fries. My good friend called me and asked me to come over and hang out. Hanging out with this friend means great conversation and a double bottle of Moscato wine. lol. Very tempting! I soooo wanted to go hang out but I knew if I did I wouldn't be home until late tonight and I would be skipping my day 4 workout. As hard as it was, I resisted and went home. I knew if I got in the habit of skipping days to hang out, my entire routine would be off and I might as well quit now. Thankfully my friend understood. =)

Now, just because I declined this invitation doesn't mean I ran straight home and did my workout. I had no motivation to pop in that dvd and do my circuit workout. I knew it was going to be hard and that my arms and legs would hurt afterward. (It's hard to even type right now - even worse when my 'd' button isn't working properly!) I was in a funk when I got home and spent most of the night addicted to the show Extreme Couponing on TLC. On a side note, why does anyone need 1,000 tubes of toothpaste at one time? Wow.

So, 8:00pm hit, I hadn't worked out and all I wanted to do was continue sitting on my butt and watching TV. What did I do?? I laced up my sneakers and did my circuit workout, of course! It was a struggle but I did it. I am very proud of myself! I didn't give in to temptation or my laziness. I got off my butt and stuck to my program! Yay me!

My mom looked into a Senior Center near our house today. They have an indoor pool and since she has back and leg issues she wants to try water aerobics since it's less stressful on the body. They have a Aqua Zumba class! You don't have to be over 50 to go either! Anyone over 21 can enroll. It runs on Tuesdays and Thursdays from July 11th though August 6th, so that's what I'll be doing. It sounds like fun - zumba and pool time!

So that's my day 4. This weekend will be busy. I have to make sure I get my workout in early tomorrow and Friday since I have plans in the evening. No excuses!

Till tomorrow... (I wish I had that bottle of wine right now!)

Feel The Burn!

Oooh... I'm feeling it today!

I woke up this morning and was sore, but not as sore as I thought I would be. As long as I was moving I felt ok. It's only when I sat for a while and tried to get going again that I really felt it. My goal today was to do my day 3 workout and make a zumba class at 7:30 tonight. That didn't happen. I ended up going grocery shopping with my mom, son and cousin instead. At least I didn't lay around in bed all day! I got a pretty good arm workout while lugging a pretty big, plastic kiddie pool around Walmart while my mom looked for a car windshield shade (which we had already passed)! lol!

But, I did do my day 3 workout! It was my second day of cardio and this time I tried the yoga! I wasn't able to do it all but at least I tried! I did a revised version of the plank that I was taught by a personal trainer last year (when I signed up at the gym and got a free session but never went back for the other 5 I got). Instead of lifting my body on my hands and toes and staying straight, I pushed myself up on my elbows and toes. And I did the downward and upward dogs. It felt good stretching my back like that!

I was already tired of the music and the guy talking on the video so I turned the TV down and turned my iPod on shuffle. The second song that came on - "What I Got" by Sublime. My brother and I shared a love for Sublime, especially that album. We used to play it and sign along when we were in the car together. It was like he visited me to let me know that he's on my side.... at least I choose to believe that he sent me that song for a reason.

I realized today that I had somehow forgotten how to do jumping jacks. I used to be able to do them but I can't anymore. I feel retarded. I'm jumping up and down and waving my arms back and forth, but it's no where near what a jumping jack is supposed to look like. Oh well... I really don't care. That's one good thing about doing these workouts at home. You don't have to worry about feeling stupid or looking like you just rolled out of bed. I wish that workout videos had fat people on them instead of these in-shape, ripped people that aren't even breaking a sweat by the end of the workout. Seriously! I would rather have the trainer standing up front showing the moves and some fat folks in the back that are all red and huffing and puffing like I am! This was me a few minutes after my workout... all red, dying of heat and sweaty! I really felt the burn today!

I do need one more thing before my next cardio workout. I need a picture to use as a target during the kicking and punching portions. I already know whose picture I want I just need to print it. For those of you that know my current situation... the name starts with C. haahaa! I'm going to tape it to the closet door and focus on it while doing all my jabs, uppercuts and body shots! I love it! I'm sure I'll get to a whole new level of punching by using this picture as a target! LOL!

That's all for now. I'm glad day 3 is over and I'm looking forward to finishing my first week. I think I want to weigh in once a week and update how much I've lost. I don't want to weigh in every day cause I don't want that to be my main focus. And I don't want to be discouraged when I don't lose weight. I want to really focus on the working out aspect this week then focus on my eating habits next week, while continuing to workout.

Till tomorrow... (My legs are on fire and I love it!!!)