Feel The Burn!

Oooh... I'm feeling it today!

I woke up this morning and was sore, but not as sore as I thought I would be. As long as I was moving I felt ok. It's only when I sat for a while and tried to get going again that I really felt it. My goal today was to do my day 3 workout and make a zumba class at 7:30 tonight. That didn't happen. I ended up going grocery shopping with my mom, son and cousin instead. At least I didn't lay around in bed all day! I got a pretty good arm workout while lugging a pretty big, plastic kiddie pool around Walmart while my mom looked for a car windshield shade (which we had already passed)! lol!

But, I did do my day 3 workout! It was my second day of cardio and this time I tried the yoga! I wasn't able to do it all but at least I tried! I did a revised version of the plank that I was taught by a personal trainer last year (when I signed up at the gym and got a free session but never went back for the other 5 I got). Instead of lifting my body on my hands and toes and staying straight, I pushed myself up on my elbows and toes. And I did the downward and upward dogs. It felt good stretching my back like that!

I was already tired of the music and the guy talking on the video so I turned the TV down and turned my iPod on shuffle. The second song that came on - "What I Got" by Sublime. My brother and I shared a love for Sublime, especially that album. We used to play it and sign along when we were in the car together. It was like he visited me to let me know that he's on my side.... at least I choose to believe that he sent me that song for a reason.

I realized today that I had somehow forgotten how to do jumping jacks. I used to be able to do them but I can't anymore. I feel retarded. I'm jumping up and down and waving my arms back and forth, but it's no where near what a jumping jack is supposed to look like. Oh well... I really don't care. That's one good thing about doing these workouts at home. You don't have to worry about feeling stupid or looking like you just rolled out of bed. I wish that workout videos had fat people on them instead of these in-shape, ripped people that aren't even breaking a sweat by the end of the workout. Seriously! I would rather have the trainer standing up front showing the moves and some fat folks in the back that are all red and huffing and puffing like I am! This was me a few minutes after my workout... all red, dying of heat and sweaty! I really felt the burn today!

I do need one more thing before my next cardio workout. I need a picture to use as a target during the kicking and punching portions. I already know whose picture I want I just need to print it. For those of you that know my current situation... the name starts with C. haahaa! I'm going to tape it to the closet door and focus on it while doing all my jabs, uppercuts and body shots! I love it! I'm sure I'll get to a whole new level of punching by using this picture as a target! LOL!

That's all for now. I'm glad day 3 is over and I'm looking forward to finishing my first week. I think I want to weigh in once a week and update how much I've lost. I don't want to weigh in every day cause I don't want that to be my main focus. And I don't want to be discouraged when I don't lose weight. I want to really focus on the working out aspect this week then focus on my eating habits next week, while continuing to workout.

Till tomorrow... (My legs are on fire and I love it!!!)

When life hands you lemons....

...ask the bartender for a lime instead, then order a shot of tequilla.

Tonight has been rough, personally speaking. Not to get into too much detail on my weight loss blog, but... my husband and I are separating and I'm planning on moving out this weekend. This isn't anything that came out of nowhere. We have been separated since Spring Break in April but we have still been living together. Now we're at the point where we need to officially separate so the healing can start. Hopefully we can work through our issues and find our way back to each other. In the meantime, our son has to be our first priority.

So hard.

In tough times like these, I try to find something positive to throw my energy behind, hence the Power 90 and this blog. I got home from work today and look what I find sitting on the kitchen counter waiting for me...
My Power 90 DVD's are here! I was so excited to open the box and read everything!

It came with a Program Guide that tells you which part of the dvd you are supposed to do on which day. It talks about how you should start slow so you don't burn out in the first week and are in too much pain to continue the program, which is what I usually do. You are supposed to alternate the circuit dvd and the cardio/abs workout. So three days out of the week you are doing the circuit workout, gradually increasing through the levels. The other three days you are doing the cardio/abs workout, gradually increasing through the levels. That leaves one day a week to rest. I like the idea of having a 90 day calendar that lays out exactly what you should be doing on which day. I plan on taping it to my bedroom door or the wall next to my tv so I'm always staring at it. It also comes with a resistance band to use during the workout. It's not in the picture because Dylan stole it and was using it as a jump rope. lol.

My next step... weighing and measuring myself. I have to measure all the parts of my body: arms, legs, waist, bust. The works. And I must concur the dreaded scale. I also have to take my "before" pictures. Those are going to stay hidden from the world.

What I liked about this program is that is doesn't stress a super low calorie or crazy restrictive diet. It does come with a recipe book that includes some healthy meal options for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It talks about being healthy, eating healthy food, and noticing the difference you'll feel when you start working out and seeing results that will make you not want to put junk in your body anymore. It's all about the workouts. So if I want to have that occasional cocktail or glass of wine (or bottle of tequila... whatever), I can. It's all about moderation, which in the back of my mind I already knew.

With everything I have going on this week and my upcoming move, I don't think I'll be able to start the program until Sunday or Monday. I'm soooo looking forward to starting though! I just don't want to do the program for 2 days then have to stop for 2 days while I move and get my life back together.

In the meantime, I'll keep reading the informational material that was provided and I'll start filling out the 90 day calendar so I'm ready to start on Monday. Yay!

Thank you!

I've gotten so much support since posting my first blog yesterday. Thank you to everyone who has written me wishing me luck in my latest endeavor, have shared their story with me, or has just reminded me that they are there for me! My friends are so amazingly supportive and I love you all!

I checked the mail today... nothing but junk mail and bills. No Power 90 DVD's yet. I am so looking forward to them arriving! I don't remember exactly what I day I ordered them last week but the website said they'll arrive in 5-7 days. I'm hoping they'll be here this week! In the meantime, I'm enjoying all the crappy food I love so much in preparation for going cold turkey when my dvd's get here. Probably not the best move. I should probably be watching what I eat this week while I'm waiting, but... I'm not. lol. I'm getting rid of all my cravings so I can be good when it counts.

I've also determined that stress probably contributes to weight gain and the lack of motivation to work out. So I'm de-stressing my life! Goodbye stress! Hello skinny jeans!! Well, maybe not skinny jeans... I'm not 13 after all... maybe just hello skinny!

The beginning...

This is me...

Normally I would never have posted this picture for all to see but I thought it was important to start this new blogging adventure with this picture (or one of the many, many others that look just like this). I consider this a terrible picture. Why, you ask? Well, in this picture I see what I see in the mirror every day. I see all my flaws. I see my fat arms, my stomach that's hanging out... everything. It's terrible. I spend my life trying to cover up all those flaws, sucking it all in, doing whatever it takes to take a half decent picture that doesn't make me spiral into depression when I see it. My goal is to never have to look at another picture of myself looking like this again.


And so I begin this blog...
My thinking behind writing this blog is that maybe those who read this will help keep me accountable for what I plan on doing. I plan on cutting my weight in half. What is half? I'm not ready to divulge that information yet. I know you are all smart out there and would be able to figure out my true weight. (LOL) Posting the "fat picture" above was hard enough. I'm taking baby steps here people, baby steps! I started this year out motivated and ready to tackle my life-long weight problem. About the 3rd day in January, I cut soda and fast food out completely. Completely!! I lost 13 pounds in two weeks! Then my health insurance started a weigh loss program that allowed us to go to certain weight loss doctors. They still didn't cover lapband surgery, which is what I really want, but it was a start. I starting see a doctor that made me go in every week for fatblocker shots and weigh ins. I also started the HCG diet...

HCG... it started off scary but worked really well (for about two weeks). The HCG diet requires that you take the HCG hormone (either orally and via injections) and that you eat a very strict 500 calorie a day diet. With the help of some appetite suppressants (phentermine - wonderful stuff!), I was able to do it and lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks. You'd think that this would keep me motivated to continue the diet since I was doing so well and was showing results. Nope. The downward spiral started with a few cocktails on the weekend, then a bite of my son's chicken nugget or french fries, a taco from Taco Bell, then it was all done. It took a while for me to gain all the weight back, but it's back. That's how it always is... I start something, give it a week or two, then it falls apart. And by "it" I mean "me." I have a gym membership (one of many) that I don't use. I've bought the weigh loss shakes, meals, etc. I've done Jenny Craig and Weigh Watchers. I have no follow through.

So, my latest attempt at weight loss... Power 90.
Power 90 is the less intense, older version of p90x. I had never heard of it before but I had read all my friend's Facebook status updates about how great p90x is. I thought, "I should do that!" Then I reminded myself... if my much thinner, much more in shape friends that run marathons and work out daily are getting their butts kicked by p90x, I would die. So I didn't buy it. Then I saw a post about a person who was is the same boat as me (the fat people boat that is quickly sinking). He bought Power 90, did it for 3 months and lost 100 pounds. Then he bought p90x, did it for 3 months and lost another 50 pounds. Amazing! That's my goal! I know it's going to be hard. I know that there will be days that I don't want to do it, but I HAVE to. I have a two year old son who wants to run around and play constantly. I can't keep up. I'm only 29 years old and there are days I feel like I'm 50. I've always been healthy even though I was overweight. In the last year I had to start taking blood pressure medication because my blood pressure is high. My family has a history of heart disease, diabetes, and a load of other medical issues. I know I'm already at a higher risk for these diseases, even without being overweight. Throw in the extra weight and my risk factor skyrockets! My 23 year old brother passed away suddenly and unexpectedly in 2010. I can't do that to my parents again. I can't do that to my son. He deserves to have a mom who can be as active as he wants to be.

So... I'm trying, again, to get it together and get motivated to lose weight. It's hard to even think about all the hard work I have ahead of me to lose half of my current weight. I feel like I've always been overweight. Looking back at pictures of me as a child, I see the beginnings of a fat girl. I feel sorry for the girl in this picture because she doesn't know what lies ahead of her. (I'm the one on the right, just in case you couldn't tell. I was probably 5 years old in this picture. My sister Jackie is on the left and my brother Tito is in the middle.) The girl in this picture doesn't know that she will feel inferior in middle school and high school. The girl in this picture doesn't know that she'll always think of herself as "the fat friend" when hanging out with her friends. (Although I must say that my awesome, amazing friends have never, and would never, make me feel like that. They never cared that I was fat, it was my own issue.) The girl in this picture doesn't know she will have low self-esteem and no self-confidence for the next 25 years (but hopefully no longer than that).

At 29 years old, I feel like I need to start over. I need to go back to that girl in elementary school, middle school and high school and smack her in the back of the head and tell her to get her butt in gear so she doesn't have to go through all the heartache that I've been through because of being over weight. Now, I don't want to sound like I'm whining or complaining about how tough my life was, but it was hard growing up being the fat girl. My sister was popular, a talented singer, full of self assurance, and always had boyfriends. My brother was a chubby kid, played baseball, was popular, had tons of friends, eventually lost a bunch of weight and had lots of girlfriends. I .... was a home body. I had friends but no one that I really hung out with outside of school. I didn't have my first real boyfriend until I was 19 years old. Lame, I know. (What is it about blogs that make you feel like you can write about all the private turmoils of your life?!) I still carry that with me. And now, being a teacher I was always afraid that the kids would make fun of my weight. It hadn't happened until last week. I made a comment to a sixth grader, 12 years old, and his response back to me was, "What. Are you going to sit on me?" I was mortified. I kept my composure, kicked him out of my classroom, and went along with my lesson, all the while fighting back tears. I couldn't show my other students the hurt inside, but I wanted to let it out. It's sad that a 12 year old's stupid comment could effect me like that, but it did.

So... I'm checking the mail ever day this week with the hope that my Power 90 DVD's show up. Summer break begins soon and this is what I will be doing all summer. My life is a little bit of a mess right now and I need something positive to focus on. This is it. I'll be blogging the first week so you can read about how sore and out of shape I am. I want to document my accomplishments, learn from my mistakes, stay motivated and lessen my chance of failure. I hope you are behind me and keep me in check.

All my love - Elysia (soon to be former fat chick)